Ah, pre-marital delusions...

Fiance and I have begun our pre-marital sessions. At first, I dreaded them, nearly sweaty-palmed terrified at the prospect. But after our first meeting wasn't so bad, I figured it would be okay. Turns out, these books they make you read on marriage? They do their best to make you understand what REAL marriage will be like.

Like crush-your-childhood-fantasy-of-marriage real.

It's good, I don't want to be in denial or have impossible expectations. And I'm a lot more realistic about my ideas about relationships than I once was. And most of the stuff (so far) has been things I'm trying to prepare myself about anyway. But then Fiance has to go and do this.

Scenario:

I'm texting my love and all of a sudden, he lets me know that the power has gone out in his apartment, right in the middle of him making dinner for himself, albeit Tuna helper dinner. Still oh no! (Note: anyone who has ever made any kind of Fill-In-The-Blank Helper knows that it does not begin prettily. In fact, every one of them looks like some sort of vomit till about 3 seconds before it's done. Fiance and I call this the "Ugly Stage" of Helper meals.) I am duly sympathetic and helpful.

Him: Maybe there's enough residual heat on the burner to finish it...

Me: Oh no! What were you making?

Him: Tuna Helper lol

Me: Aww, still in the ugly stage or almost done?? Did you put a lid on it??

Him: I had a lid on it and it's definitely ugly. It's not thick yet and it's like soup. Tuna Helper soup.

Me: I'm sorry!! =(

Him: It's kinda done... tastes alright but looks like gruel. Some of the poweder stuff didn't mix in all the way.

Me: Oh lame =( I'm sorry!

All normal disapointment/make it better stuff, right? Here comes the drama.

Him: It's fine baby. I'm sure there will be times like that when we're married.

GASP. WHAT?!?!??!?!

Me: NO!!! Never! Everything I cook will be perfect! Always! I'll be a flawless wife!

Him: ... and if the power goes out in the middle of your flawless dinner?

IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Me: I'm still flawless! I have magic powers!

Him: Oh, that's right, I forgot. Sorry baby. =P

I know everything won't be perfect and that I'll never be a flawless wife... in theory. When faced with this real-life conundrum I was deeply saddenedwith the truth that yes, one night in our married life, I'll be cooking a glorious, time-consuming, non-Helper dinner. And the power will go off. And ruin everything. How will I respond to this? Hmmm...

I guess the most eye opening part of pre-marital and, from my understanding, that first year together, is the true LIFE stuff. The everything-isn't-always-rainbows-and-daisies stuff. And you know what?

That's okay.

We will eat Tuna Helper gruel by candle light.

Love to all, especially Fiance,

Bianca

Professors Over Tea

I find that if I make a statemtent like, "Don't expect another post till after the wedding!", it takes the pressure off, and then I actually DO! Don't pee your pants at my two posts in one month.
I was a little disappointed, friends, because I was expecting some feedback about my Etsy idea and alas! none came to me! I would love anyone's input (or advise) about getting started.
This morning, I was reminiscing with my Mama over a cup (or several cups!) of tea, talking about college professors and how much they have influenced my life now, as a teacher. Full circle moment! Obviously, my voice coach from college is the one that I think about the most often, as I use MANY of her encouraging techniques with my students, and just remembering her manner as a teacher has shaped so much of how I handle things. So, that one's obvious.
But not as, shall I say, daily, were my other professors, some of them not even involved in music! I feel like there were a handful of professors who really "got" me, as a person and as a student. They saw that I had the commitment and the drive, and really pushed me to my full potential, without pushing me over the edge. The department head for my college was one; she was also my first piano teacher, repertoire seminar director, and composition and analysis professor, to name a few. She wore many hats! She was also one of those teachers who, absolutely anytime I asked a question or didn't understand, would do everything she could to help me get to understanding. She was never, "Well, that's just how I teach it, so, if you don't get it, too bad!" and I really appreciate that about her. Even in comp and analysis, a class I was WRETCHED at, she saw more of my effort than my actual work sometimes, and that meant so much to me (as I am not a composer, nor am I very analytical when it comes to music - I just love it!). That class was such a stretch for me, and having someone who didn't give up was huge.
Same for my theory prof. DANG, what was I even doing in that class?!? She was one of those who, if you made the effort to get with her outside of class time, she made SURE you did well. She just wanted to make sure the students were as serious about her time as she was. I totally respect that now, when I go into a seemingly packed day of lessons to come out the other side only having two who show up!
I gotta recognize a non-music prof, though (which is funny, because he happens to be quite musical), who had a big impact on me, and looking back, I'm not even sure why. Maybe it was because I had him for my first semester in college - a lot of people from those first few months mean so much to me. Maybe it was because I was always the ONLY person who laughed at his jokes in class. Seriously, the man makes a joke, I giggle a little, or all-out guffaw, and I get 20 blank stares at me from the rest of the class. The man is FUNNY, people. I got the feeling from him that most of his non-major students didn't really work hard, because he always valued my work ethic. And when the end of the final year came, and we were asked to invite one teacher to represent us at a senior ceremony, I chose him. And his speech is something I'll remember forever, I think.
So, today, I recognize my past professors. I almost said "fellow teachers", but that seems so weird to me, to count myself as one of their ranks. They are top shelf. And, honestly, should my 20-year plan pan out, and I become a college professor one day, I hope that they're proud of me. Because they were the inspiration. =)

love,
bianca

Time must have wings these days...

I feel very dishonest with a blog named "A cup of tea with my knitting, please". I think it should be renamed "A cup of planning with my wedding, please..." for right now. =P
I have not abandoned you, my faithful readers! The fact that I have missed several months of blogging is absurd to me. Surely, it has only been a week or so since my last entry?? With the wedding coming, and we are now in the double digits (finally!), weeks seem to pass like days to me. I think of something to do and before I know it, it's two weeks later and I'm overdue! But, thankfully, because I tend to plan ahead, I am still on time for most of my lists.
I had a wonderful, lovely shower with my soon-to-be in-laws (aka Fiance's family) and we got so much loot for our new life together! Never have I appreciated the concept of wedding gifts and showers more. Until it was me, it's always been, yeah, of COURSE you get a gift for so-and-so's wedding/shower. Duh! But now that I've been through it, I feel so deeply thankful for these gifts. The fact that you put out a list of things you need or want for your new life as a married couple and people actually buy things for you, to help you out, is so amazing! I feel so blessed with our gifts and I am thankful for each and every one, and for the family who has gifted them to us. There is so much love. =)
I'm also getting very excited for the shower that is coming up, in my hometown. I just got off the phone with my Ro sister, who is in full invitation mode! I was telling her, it's kinda weird for me because up till now, I've been the one doing all the planning and getting information together and making sure things happen. With showers, all I do is get some names and addresses and show up!! How fun! =D It is also going to be a very, shall I say, "me" shower. My sisters (who double as bridesmaids and matron of honor) are throwing it and I must say, (though I know little of the details) they have got the nail on the head. I love when family shows that they know you in those little ways. Makes me feel all kinds of special. =)
I believe the countdown is now in the 70's. I feel like we JUST broke 100, and all of a sudden it's in the 70's already. I am so excited and ready! I had my little moments earlier on, and I won't lie, things do come up that I think, are we really ready for this? But, I know we are. Or are as ready as anyone ever is for marriage. =P We will be starting pre-marital counciling in a week or so, so that should be a good set-up for some interesting conversation topics! Thankfully, communication is one thing that me and the Fiance are pretty good at. We communicate so good sometimes we get real loud and right up close to each other, in the face, like. =P I don't mind that we argue, I think it's good. We always resolve and most of the time, realize it's not worth arguing over anyway. Plus, I'm usually the instigator... who knew that when uptight meets laid back, the uptight one would start all the stuff?? It's a mystery! =P
I am a serial repeater. If I read a book I love, I go back to it over and over. Same with music and movies. I have movies that are my "cozy, fall-asleep-to" movies that I pretty much know line-for-line, and music that is so familiar to me it makes me feel content just hearing it. I love that I'm marrying someone who uses the word "cozy" when he talks about what it'll be like in our apartment after we're married. I love that he knows what I do to the place I live in, whether it be a college dorm, apartment or a house: I cozy it up! Me and all my sisters seem to posess this talent. It's something I hope to pass along one day (one day far, far, FAR in the future, don't get any ideas). So, no new books lately. With all the hustle and bustle, I've been reverting to my cozy books.
Since I got a smartphone (oh yeah baby!) I tend to do things on it, not the computer. But there are some things that just cannot be done on a 2x4 screen, imagine that, and this is one of them. I shall try my best to post again before the wedding, but I make no promises! =)

Lots of love,
Bianca

p.s. To all of you awaiting knitting and crocheting posts, I will try to deliver, soon. I am also contemplating a page on Etsy so I can show you all of my lovely knitted and crocheted things... we shal see. =)

Impulse Buys That You Have to Finance...

are not a good idea.
I have to repeat this to myself as some kind of mantra because everyone is trying to sell me things lately, and I've discovered that if they use words like "quality" or "investment", I'm hooked. Was nearly sucked into a Cutco demonstration. A friend recommended to her friend that he call so I could hear his speech. No harm, right? No commitment intended, just helping a guy get started with his resume. WRONG. I got so interested in these quality knives that I almost, almost made a very bad financial decision and put a whole slew of investment on my credit card. Thankfully, I was with the Fiance who is a little more down-to-earth than I am at these crucial moments. I was also recently contacted from a sweepstakes that I had entered online that we had "won" and would we come down to collect our prizes? Of course! Ran smack into the middle of an amazing pots-and-pans demonstration that I, all of a sudden, HAD TO HAVE! (plus all of the free stuff they throw in if you order today!) Again, thankfully, I was not alone and the Fiance was there to level my head. We got our free stuff, which was why we went in the first place. I think all of this stems from my deep and abiding love for infomercials... I had to remind myself (and be reminded) that we had already registered for pots and pans AND knives, so please, somebody, save me from overspending!
My first bridal shower is coming up at the end of the month and I am so excited! The family-in-law is throwing it, so me and Fiance will be traveling up to PA to enjoy. Everything is moving so quickly now that I almost can't believe it. I remember telling myself when we had first gotten engaged, kinda walking through the landmarks in the engagement period, that when it was the summer, then the wedding was REALLY close. Well, friends, it is the summer. And according to Bianca of November '10, that means the wedding is REALLY close. According to Bianca of June '11, there's still PLENTY of time, LOADS of it!! ...but I also realize that I'm slightly delusional in my present state...
Shame and remorse. Ro's birthday passed. She was even here after it. And I have not finished her gift yet. I can't believe I've let this happen. I've been so good with my deadlines!! I won't let this get me down to the point where I'm all, "well, it's already been this long... I might as well just leave it there..." I WILL finish! I WILL! I am determined. Ro is one of the sisters who loves my handmade gifts the most, how could I let her down?? I'm so ashamed, but I will prevail. It will be with Ro soon.
Here's a sad story with a happy ending: I left my Kindle on the plane when Fiance and I went to PA for the wedding. -sob- We went through all the hoops to make sure if it was found it couldn't be hacked and all my stuff stolen from it as well as the information to get it back to me. But nobody, least of all me, was expecting it to turn up. On the day that I had decided I was going to order myself another one (not having heard anything in almost 2 weeks), I got an email. A glorious email from Amazon entitled: Your lost Kindle has been found. Hurray! I got it in the mail last week and I feel like I never want to put it down again! It's part of me now... okay, that's a little creepy, but I'm very happy to have it home. =) And thank you, to that kind and honest soul who must've turned it into the airline lost and found. I am eternally gratefuly to you!

with much love,
bianca

p.s. If you've been thinking about reading the book "Chocolat", DON'T. Watch the movie instead.

Auditions, and Lessons, and Weddings, Oh My!

... or should I say, Oh, May! What a month, already.

I am officialy NOT a college student anymore. I know this has been official for a year now (yes, a year... DANG.), but the reality hit me when I went to audition for placement in an actual opera company for the '11-'12 season. I realized how truly important the audition was to me because nothing was given - if I get this part, it's because I earned it, in the real world, under real circumstances, with real talent. That, my friends, is huge. Granted, I have to keep myself from going to the place in my mind that says, "...then if you don't get it, you won't make it in the real world and have no talent and..." blah blah blah endless negativity blah. For now, I am in a positive place. It was a very, very successful audition, whether I make it or not. This is a concept I have not been able to grasp until now. Someone else's opinion of me, my voice, or my talent does not, I repeat NOT, determine my own success. I feel extremely pleased with the way I sang and performed. To me, that is success.

Especially since this was my first real, face-to-face, opera audition. Big.

By the way, has anyone ever figured out why judges are so unreadable?!? What's the deal? I think I would be a horrible talent judge because if someone came in and was great, I'd be so excited and want to tell them how great they were and hear them sing more and so on, instead of nonchalantly making a few notes on the paper, cutting them off mid-song, and going on to the next candidate. By the same token, if someone was terrible, I'd have a VERY difficult time keeping cringes from my expression and trying to help their pitch with my eyebrows. "Just a little higher, just a little higher!!!!!" I'd probably want to give them a few pointers then and there instead of saying a non-commital, "Thank you for coming! We'll let you know." They make it so hard to know whether you're in or out. I feel like I'm waiting to find out the secret password to the club entrance. And it's only been a few days. Terrible...

This has turned out to be an extremely busy two weeks past. I picked up almost a half-dozen new voice students, or at least prospective voice students. I thought everything would drop down to zero for summer plans, but it looks like everyone wants to pick it up now that school is out. Praise be, jobs for me! There are two that I am particularly looking forward to, a pair of sisters. They will be great, I have a feeling. I've also picked up more hours at my non-career job that pays my bills, so now I can pay more bills, yay. Bills... I never understood the dread of that monthly reminder that you shouldn't ever have any money left over until now. Oh sweet bills, you are such humanity. Thank you for keeping me humble and organized.

CAN NOT WAIT UNTIL THE WEDDING. I am getting to that place. That inevitable place where things have slowed down a little with the planning and now it's a waiting game. There are still things left to do, of course, but up until about a month from the wedding, I'm pretty much set. So, of course, I'm left thinking about all the things that could be happening, if we were already married. All of the coziness of the apartment together. All the movie nights and not having to go out to enjoy each other's company. And I have nearly 5 months of this left. I think I will drive myself crazy far before then. I am probably thinking about all of this even more given that the Fiance and I will be going up to PA to his cousin's wedding this weekend. I am very much looking forward to getting to relax and get away a little bit, and hopefully take a break from OUR wedding details and enjoy the fruits of someone ELSE'S planning labors!

All in all, busy suits me. I'm very excited about the prospect of a smartphone with an awesome calendar app so that I can keep everything even more organized. I have not been very good with my calendar these two weeks past - it's almost like too many things happened all at once to write down! But, the Fiance is getting his upgrade in about a week or so and I will be added to his phone plan, what with us getting married soon and all. I swear, we've done more things to bind us together for the next several years in the last few months that signing a marriage certificate is going to be nothing. Car loan, car title, insurance, phone, honeymoon vacation, plane tickets... we're set. We should've just signed one of those legal documents as Mr. and Mrs. and then we'd be done with all the fuss! =P

Love to you all and hope May brings many things besides just flowers,

-B

Shamed by a Blogging Sister, and other tales

It has been awhile and there is really no good excuse. Sure, I've gotten a lot of headway in the wedding plans. Yes, I've been working. Of course, I have a social life. But nothing really worth staying away for so long... nothing truly all-consuming.

NOT like this time last year. I cannot believe I have been a college graduate for a year now. I was just telling someone the other day (...or this morning?) that I feel like I've been on vacation for the past year. And just to recap, this last year has not been idle: secured 2 jobs, snagged an outrageously handsome man, began/continue wedding plans, got in an accident, got a new car... not to mention all the birthdays and holidays. But is all of this, though I may be continually busy (which I much prefer), even a FRACTION of a comparison to the amazing stress I achieved in education? NO. The answer is no. I devoted every thought and action to completing my degree. I was totally one-track and it really did consume me. Every time I think of it, I'm glad I took this time to NOT go to grad school. I just don't it's for me... at least not at the moment.

My sister Ro, however, SHAMES me with her continuous blog posts. Oh, I'm a college grad... and I have my Masters... and by the way, I'm in school CONTINUOUSLY because I'm a professor... and I blog all the time... and I'm awesome. (She doesn't say all of that, that's me being sarcastic.) More power to you, Ro. I admire your gluttony for the punishment that I call formal education. But, admittedly, all her students adore her and if I'd had a teacher (I say teacher because my college profs were pretty cool) like her, I probably would've enjoyed things more. As she's the next birthday, maybe I'll knit her a blog sweater. Probably not. =P

Wedding plans proceed smoothly. The time is passing all too quickly now and I can't believe how close it all is. Not that I'm complaining; I can't wait! I thought a nearly year-long engagement would move slower than cement uphill, but have been surprised at it's swift approach, praise God in heaven!

I overcame a petty struggle with myself over its recent spotlight and read "Water for Elephants". I thought it was fantastic; definitely one I'll read again. I realized lately that I tend to be a "seasonal" reader. At certain times of the year, I crave certain books, so by now I've read them every year for about 5 years or longer. I'm trying to expand my horizons now that reading is so accessable (thank you, dear Kindle!), but I still find myself gravitating towards those oh-so-cozy seasonal books. They are like old friends to me that I visit each year for a needed vacation. I've added a few to my list in the last year: The Hunger Games, the Anne of... series, the Maya Davis novels, and I think I can safely put Water for Elephants up there, too. I'm interested as to how they're going to trasnlate this vivid, detailed, and descriptive book to film. I hope they do it justice.

I think I stayed away till now because I was expecting of myself to have this fantastic, deep, intelectual comeback of a blog since it's been so long. I'm truly sorry if you were, too. =P

More to come and hopefully soon,
-bianca

Dear Pollen...

If you were a person, you would be just about the only person for whom I would willingly go to jail for murder. My new car sits just beyond the grasp of your minion, Huge Pine Tree, who has rained down your icky-ness upon its pristine exterior. I, unknowing of your abrupt appearance, had kept my windows down, and lo! the icky-ness has crept to the inside of my new car as well! I have been meaning to speak to you about your rude visiting at the same time every year. You know I am never prepared for your baggage. I cannot even use the excuse of illness, as you happen to bring that with you upon my innocent sinuses. Were you kinder to me and my house, I might have invited you lovingly in. However, you continue to misbehave and be a general nuisance. Since nothing else has worked thus far, I can only vent you this frustrated missive. As it has done no good in the past on your character, I can expect no less this year. Know only this: IF you were a person... I would sincerely and heartily kill you. My condolences, Bianca.

p.s. no hard feelings.