... or should I say, Oh, May! What a month, already.
I am officialy NOT a college student anymore. I know this has been official for a year now (yes, a year... DANG.), but the reality hit me when I went to audition for placement in an actual opera company for the '11-'12 season. I realized how truly important the audition was to me because nothing was given - if I get this part, it's because I earned it, in the real world, under real circumstances, with real talent. That, my friends, is huge. Granted, I have to keep myself from going to the place in my mind that says, "...then if you don't get it, you won't make it in the real world and have no talent and..." blah blah blah endless negativity blah. For now, I am in a positive place. It was a very, very successful audition, whether I make it or not. This is a concept I have not been able to grasp until now. Someone else's opinion of me, my voice, or my talent does not, I repeat NOT, determine my own success. I feel extremely pleased with the way I sang and performed. To me, that is success.
Especially since this was my first real, face-to-face, opera audition. Big.
By the way, has anyone ever figured out why judges are so unreadable?!? What's the deal? I think I would be a horrible talent judge because if someone came in and was great, I'd be so excited and want to tell them how great they were and hear them sing more and so on, instead of nonchalantly making a few notes on the paper, cutting them off mid-song, and going on to the next candidate. By the same token, if someone was terrible, I'd have a VERY difficult time keeping cringes from my expression and trying to help their pitch with my eyebrows. "Just a little higher, just a little higher!!!!!" I'd probably want to give them a few pointers then and there instead of saying a non-commital, "Thank you for coming! We'll let you know." They make it so hard to know whether you're in or out. I feel like I'm waiting to find out the secret password to the club entrance. And it's only been a few days. Terrible...
This has turned out to be an extremely busy two weeks past. I picked up almost a half-dozen new voice students, or at least prospective voice students. I thought everything would drop down to zero for summer plans, but it looks like everyone wants to pick it up now that school is out. Praise be, jobs for me! There are two that I am particularly looking forward to, a pair of sisters. They will be great, I have a feeling. I've also picked up more hours at my non-career job that pays my bills, so now I can pay more bills, yay. Bills... I never understood the dread of that monthly reminder that you shouldn't ever have any money left over until now. Oh sweet bills, you are such humanity. Thank you for keeping me humble and organized.
CAN NOT WAIT UNTIL THE WEDDING. I am getting to that place. That inevitable place where things have slowed down a little with the planning and now it's a waiting game. There are still things left to do, of course, but up until about a month from the wedding, I'm pretty much set. So, of course, I'm left thinking about all the things that could be happening, if we were already married. All of the coziness of the apartment together. All the movie nights and not having to go out to enjoy each other's company. And I have nearly 5 months of this left. I think I will drive myself crazy far before then. I am probably thinking about all of this even more given that the Fiance and I will be going up to PA to his cousin's wedding this weekend. I am very much looking forward to getting to relax and get away a little bit, and hopefully take a break from OUR wedding details and enjoy the fruits of someone ELSE'S planning labors!
All in all, busy suits me. I'm very excited about the prospect of a smartphone with an awesome calendar app so that I can keep everything even more organized. I have not been very good with my calendar these two weeks past - it's almost like too many things happened all at once to write down! But, the Fiance is getting his upgrade in about a week or so and I will be added to his phone plan, what with us getting married soon and all. I swear, we've done more things to bind us together for the next several years in the last few months that signing a marriage certificate is going to be nothing. Car loan, car title, insurance, phone, honeymoon vacation, plane tickets... we're set. We should've just signed one of those legal documents as Mr. and Mrs. and then we'd be done with all the fuss! =P
Love to you all and hope May brings many things besides just flowers,
-B
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Shamed by a Blogging Sister, and other tales
It has been awhile and there is really no good excuse. Sure, I've gotten a lot of headway in the wedding plans. Yes, I've been working. Of course, I have a social life. But nothing really worth staying away for so long... nothing truly all-consuming.
NOT like this time last year. I cannot believe I have been a college graduate for a year now. I was just telling someone the other day (...or this morning?) that I feel like I've been on vacation for the past year. And just to recap, this last year has not been idle: secured 2 jobs, snagged an outrageously handsome man, began/continue wedding plans, got in an accident, got a new car... not to mention all the birthdays and holidays. But is all of this, though I may be continually busy (which I much prefer), even a FRACTION of a comparison to the amazing stress I achieved in education? NO. The answer is no. I devoted every thought and action to completing my degree. I was totally one-track and it really did consume me. Every time I think of it, I'm glad I took this time to NOT go to grad school. I just don't it's for me... at least not at the moment.
My sister Ro, however, SHAMES me with her continuous blog posts. Oh, I'm a college grad... and I have my Masters... and by the way, I'm in school CONTINUOUSLY because I'm a professor... and I blog all the time... and I'm awesome. (She doesn't say all of that, that's me being sarcastic.) More power to you, Ro. I admire your gluttony for the punishment that I call formal education. But, admittedly, all her students adore her and if I'd had a teacher (I say teacher because my college profs were pretty cool) like her, I probably would've enjoyed things more. As she's the next birthday, maybe I'll knit her a blog sweater. Probably not. =P
Wedding plans proceed smoothly. The time is passing all too quickly now and I can't believe how close it all is. Not that I'm complaining; I can't wait! I thought a nearly year-long engagement would move slower than cement uphill, but have been surprised at it's swift approach, praise God in heaven!
I overcame a petty struggle with myself over its recent spotlight and read "Water for Elephants". I thought it was fantastic; definitely one I'll read again. I realized lately that I tend to be a "seasonal" reader. At certain times of the year, I crave certain books, so by now I've read them every year for about 5 years or longer. I'm trying to expand my horizons now that reading is so accessable (thank you, dear Kindle!), but I still find myself gravitating towards those oh-so-cozy seasonal books. They are like old friends to me that I visit each year for a needed vacation. I've added a few to my list in the last year: The Hunger Games, the Anne of... series, the Maya Davis novels, and I think I can safely put Water for Elephants up there, too. I'm interested as to how they're going to trasnlate this vivid, detailed, and descriptive book to film. I hope they do it justice.
I think I stayed away till now because I was expecting of myself to have this fantastic, deep, intelectual comeback of a blog since it's been so long. I'm truly sorry if you were, too. =P
More to come and hopefully soon,
-bianca
NOT like this time last year. I cannot believe I have been a college graduate for a year now. I was just telling someone the other day (...or this morning?) that I feel like I've been on vacation for the past year. And just to recap, this last year has not been idle: secured 2 jobs, snagged an outrageously handsome man, began/continue wedding plans, got in an accident, got a new car... not to mention all the birthdays and holidays. But is all of this, though I may be continually busy (which I much prefer), even a FRACTION of a comparison to the amazing stress I achieved in education? NO. The answer is no. I devoted every thought and action to completing my degree. I was totally one-track and it really did consume me. Every time I think of it, I'm glad I took this time to NOT go to grad school. I just don't it's for me... at least not at the moment.
My sister Ro, however, SHAMES me with her continuous blog posts. Oh, I'm a college grad... and I have my Masters... and by the way, I'm in school CONTINUOUSLY because I'm a professor... and I blog all the time... and I'm awesome. (She doesn't say all of that, that's me being sarcastic.) More power to you, Ro. I admire your gluttony for the punishment that I call formal education. But, admittedly, all her students adore her and if I'd had a teacher (I say teacher because my college profs were pretty cool) like her, I probably would've enjoyed things more. As she's the next birthday, maybe I'll knit her a blog sweater. Probably not. =P
Wedding plans proceed smoothly. The time is passing all too quickly now and I can't believe how close it all is. Not that I'm complaining; I can't wait! I thought a nearly year-long engagement would move slower than cement uphill, but have been surprised at it's swift approach, praise God in heaven!
I overcame a petty struggle with myself over its recent spotlight and read "Water for Elephants". I thought it was fantastic; definitely one I'll read again. I realized lately that I tend to be a "seasonal" reader. At certain times of the year, I crave certain books, so by now I've read them every year for about 5 years or longer. I'm trying to expand my horizons now that reading is so accessable (thank you, dear Kindle!), but I still find myself gravitating towards those oh-so-cozy seasonal books. They are like old friends to me that I visit each year for a needed vacation. I've added a few to my list in the last year: The Hunger Games, the Anne of... series, the Maya Davis novels, and I think I can safely put Water for Elephants up there, too. I'm interested as to how they're going to trasnlate this vivid, detailed, and descriptive book to film. I hope they do it justice.
I think I stayed away till now because I was expecting of myself to have this fantastic, deep, intelectual comeback of a blog since it's been so long. I'm truly sorry if you were, too. =P
More to come and hopefully soon,
-bianca
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Dear Pollen...
If you were a person, you would be just about the only person for whom I would willingly go to jail for murder. My new car sits just beyond the grasp of your minion, Huge Pine Tree, who has rained down your icky-ness upon its pristine exterior. I, unknowing of your abrupt appearance, had kept my windows down, and lo! the icky-ness has crept to the inside of my new car as well! I have been meaning to speak to you about your rude visiting at the same time every year. You know I am never prepared for your baggage. I cannot even use the excuse of illness, as you happen to bring that with you upon my innocent sinuses. Were you kinder to me and my house, I might have invited you lovingly in. However, you continue to misbehave and be a general nuisance. Since nothing else has worked thus far, I can only vent you this frustrated missive. As it has done no good in the past on your character, I can expect no less this year. Know only this: IF you were a person... I would sincerely and heartily kill you. My condolences, Bianca.
p.s. no hard feelings.
p.s. no hard feelings.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Tea towels and the coziest of cozies
Wow, what a completely gorgeous day we are experiencing here! It was chilly and crisp this morning and now it's a sunny, breezy, LOVELY afternoon! Windows open, curtains fluttering in the cool breeze. Bliss.
Birthday weekend with Ginan and other assorted family members was a blast and a total success! I can now reveal that I knitted her a fantastic (if I do say so myself!) tea cozy of my own pattern. Simplistic, cushy, and in tea-friendly colors with sweet little accents that make it all my own. Er, her own. I put the cozy on the tea pot during church Sunday morning so it was there in all its glory when she got home! I love this pattern, and I need to get its rights reserved so I can share; it is so easy and wonderful and variations are endless. I came up with the pattern when I was sent an AWESOME care package on my birthday my last year in college from Fiance's mom. She sent me 3 different kinds of yarn and some cool patterns to try. How thoughtful, right?
I also crocheted Ginan a tea towel of the on-the-oven-door variety. For those of you out there who have tried to do this, let me save you a lot of time, hand aches, and general frustration. FIND A TINY HOLE PUNCHER. I tortured my hands trying to poke holes with just my crochet hook and brute strength long enough to know. It took me nearly an HOUR to make my first crocheted-top towel because I had not yet discovered the hole puncher. Next time I tried, I made two in 30 minutes, with no bruises or redness to show for it! Blessings! This is a great project for anyone. People always need towels for the kitchen, and personalizing them with the crocheted top is a great way to say, "Hey, I love you enough to spend time on this gift!". The towels also work great in guest bathrooms and, as I said, they can be crocheted to match the decor. LOVE these towels! I have dozens of them from my Auntie and used them all through college and will be taking them with me to my new apartment!
Yes, the time has come. Fiance is moving into the apartment (we will share upon marrying) in a week. A WEEK!!! I keep telling him that it's "our" apartment, even though he will be living there first. I have to keep up with a constant stream of this brainwashing so that "our" apartment does not have the same fate as "his" bachelor-pad apartment had. I can't wait to move in and add all of my homeyness to the place. And the kitchen is absolutely glorious; so spacious and lots of cabinets!! Soon those cabinets will be home to the appliances and dishes (and towels!) we register for (and make!) !!! This is such an exciting place of life for me right now! (can ya tell by the excessive use of exclamation marks?)
I have a bit of a gap until the next birthday, but I'm pretty excited to get started on HER. Ro is fun to make things for, and easy to match - find something red and she will love it. Make something for her kitchen and she will love it. Something for her coffee table and she will love it. She also likes to drop lots of hints on what she wants, so I really just have to pick a few from the mental list. So easy. =P Until then, though, that's all that's on the knitting front.
How awesome are my siblings/future husband with my birthday presents, though? Awesome enough to get me lots of iTunes and Amazon gift cards! I'm so used to rationing myself on books and music and now I get to go a little crazy. I'm so excited! The first book I bought is turning out to be kindof a dud, though. It had such great potential: murder mystery, centered on the role of an executioner in a small German town in the middle ages; children turning up dead with witches marks on them! I'm almost finished with it, and it's just not taking the kind of turns I'd hoped. I'm greatly disappointed. Luckily, a woman left "The Time Traveler's Wife" at the gym lending library, which I (tragically) can't get on my Kindle. So I'm reading that, too. Great book.
Hope everyone enjoys this weather while it lasts, and happy knitting!
lots of love, bianca
Birthday weekend with Ginan and other assorted family members was a blast and a total success! I can now reveal that I knitted her a fantastic (if I do say so myself!) tea cozy of my own pattern. Simplistic, cushy, and in tea-friendly colors with sweet little accents that make it all my own. Er, her own. I put the cozy on the tea pot during church Sunday morning so it was there in all its glory when she got home! I love this pattern, and I need to get its rights reserved so I can share; it is so easy and wonderful and variations are endless. I came up with the pattern when I was sent an AWESOME care package on my birthday my last year in college from Fiance's mom. She sent me 3 different kinds of yarn and some cool patterns to try. How thoughtful, right?
I also crocheted Ginan a tea towel of the on-the-oven-door variety. For those of you out there who have tried to do this, let me save you a lot of time, hand aches, and general frustration. FIND A TINY HOLE PUNCHER. I tortured my hands trying to poke holes with just my crochet hook and brute strength long enough to know. It took me nearly an HOUR to make my first crocheted-top towel because I had not yet discovered the hole puncher. Next time I tried, I made two in 30 minutes, with no bruises or redness to show for it! Blessings! This is a great project for anyone. People always need towels for the kitchen, and personalizing them with the crocheted top is a great way to say, "Hey, I love you enough to spend time on this gift!". The towels also work great in guest bathrooms and, as I said, they can be crocheted to match the decor. LOVE these towels! I have dozens of them from my Auntie and used them all through college and will be taking them with me to my new apartment!
Yes, the time has come. Fiance is moving into the apartment (we will share upon marrying) in a week. A WEEK!!! I keep telling him that it's "our" apartment, even though he will be living there first. I have to keep up with a constant stream of this brainwashing so that "our" apartment does not have the same fate as "his" bachelor-pad apartment had. I can't wait to move in and add all of my homeyness to the place. And the kitchen is absolutely glorious; so spacious and lots of cabinets!! Soon those cabinets will be home to the appliances and dishes (and towels!) we register for (and make!) !!! This is such an exciting place of life for me right now! (can ya tell by the excessive use of exclamation marks?)
I have a bit of a gap until the next birthday, but I'm pretty excited to get started on HER. Ro is fun to make things for, and easy to match - find something red and she will love it. Make something for her kitchen and she will love it. Something for her coffee table and she will love it. She also likes to drop lots of hints on what she wants, so I really just have to pick a few from the mental list. So easy. =P Until then, though, that's all that's on the knitting front.
How awesome are my siblings/future husband with my birthday presents, though? Awesome enough to get me lots of iTunes and Amazon gift cards! I'm so used to rationing myself on books and music and now I get to go a little crazy. I'm so excited! The first book I bought is turning out to be kindof a dud, though. It had such great potential: murder mystery, centered on the role of an executioner in a small German town in the middle ages; children turning up dead with witches marks on them! I'm almost finished with it, and it's just not taking the kind of turns I'd hoped. I'm greatly disappointed. Luckily, a woman left "The Time Traveler's Wife" at the gym lending library, which I (tragically) can't get on my Kindle. So I'm reading that, too. Great book.
Hope everyone enjoys this weather while it lasts, and happy knitting!
lots of love, bianca
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Spring, sisters, and more important matters
Birthday gifts for Mama went wonderfully! I knitted her some new dishcloths in dark colors and patterns all my own! They're holding up pretty well; I need to tweak the patterns though, as this was a first attempt for both styles. She told me she is EVER willing to be my creative guinea pig, but of course she would. It means a constant stream of knittery! =) Have moved on to next birthday girl, my sister Ginan. Am going to see her this weekend which makes me VERY happy and excited! Coziness abounds wherever Ginan is. I am dearly hoping to see my other sister in that area, Ro, as well! I have missed them both a lot!
It is amazing how the simple act of opening ones window when the weather is simply gorgeous affects ones soul. I am absolutely adoring the early spring we're getting here. I have also very much enjoyed the effect of the gloriously beautiful music Ginan made me for my birthday on these lovely days!
I have been contemplating my tongue. In the car, I am hasty to cast judgment on any other car that makes the slightest mistake, especially when it comes close to my car! On the flip side, I often feel hesitant in groups to share my views when something is genuinely important. Especially if I feel very strongly on the subject. Lately, I have been taken for a ride in both these areas, as I wrecked my car and am increasingly sympathetic to the driver making the drastic-but-necessary move on the road. I am also involved in an "engaged couples" class that has turned out to be pretty much pre-pre-marital counseling. Touchy subjects abound and I am learning not only where the land-mines are in my husband-to-be, but especially in myself.
I was in a situation recently where I was with a dear friend, having a conversation with people I did not know as well. A subject came up that I knew I disagreed with, but what to say? I hate to seem that person who just can't wait to share their opinion, no matter how wrong or insensitive. So, of course, I remained quiet. To me, it was better than the alternative of, "I know I disagree, I'm just not sure how to put it. -dramatic pause- No, I just can't think of how to say this... sorry...?" What a lame end to something that didn't need to be said in the first place. Silence sometimes seems snobby (or at least I feel that that's how people view ME when I'm silent on something) but honestly, it's much better than saying something that you could achieve with the action of staying quiet. And I'm thankful, because it's only today that I realized what I COULD have said that would have been better than silence. It COULD have gone seriously wrong, though, and hindsight is always 20/20; plus, that sentence contains too many "could"s.
So, in all, I'm glad I held my tongue in this situation. But mostly, I pray that I am granted the right words to say when confronted again. I often pray for the right words these days. I hope everyone can get out and enjoy this beautiful weather while it lasts!
lots of love, B
It is amazing how the simple act of opening ones window when the weather is simply gorgeous affects ones soul. I am absolutely adoring the early spring we're getting here. I have also very much enjoyed the effect of the gloriously beautiful music Ginan made me for my birthday on these lovely days!
I have been contemplating my tongue. In the car, I am hasty to cast judgment on any other car that makes the slightest mistake, especially when it comes close to my car! On the flip side, I often feel hesitant in groups to share my views when something is genuinely important. Especially if I feel very strongly on the subject. Lately, I have been taken for a ride in both these areas, as I wrecked my car and am increasingly sympathetic to the driver making the drastic-but-necessary move on the road. I am also involved in an "engaged couples" class that has turned out to be pretty much pre-pre-marital counseling. Touchy subjects abound and I am learning not only where the land-mines are in my husband-to-be, but especially in myself.
I was in a situation recently where I was with a dear friend, having a conversation with people I did not know as well. A subject came up that I knew I disagreed with, but what to say? I hate to seem that person who just can't wait to share their opinion, no matter how wrong or insensitive. So, of course, I remained quiet. To me, it was better than the alternative of, "I know I disagree, I'm just not sure how to put it. -dramatic pause- No, I just can't think of how to say this... sorry...?" What a lame end to something that didn't need to be said in the first place. Silence sometimes seems snobby (or at least I feel that that's how people view ME when I'm silent on something) but honestly, it's much better than saying something that you could achieve with the action of staying quiet. And I'm thankful, because it's only today that I realized what I COULD have said that would have been better than silence. It COULD have gone seriously wrong, though, and hindsight is always 20/20; plus, that sentence contains too many "could"s.
So, in all, I'm glad I held my tongue in this situation. But mostly, I pray that I am granted the right words to say when confronted again. I often pray for the right words these days. I hope everyone can get out and enjoy this beautiful weather while it lasts!
lots of love, B
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Too fast, too slow...
Who was it who first noticed that when one area of your life seems to be going excellent well, the rest promptly falls apart? I think we can all identify with this cycle of life. Me? I'm smack in the middle of it.
For such a long time, all I wanted was to fall in love for real. To have my feelings returned. It seemed my lot in life to suffer the curse of the one-sided crush. Then I found my amazing fiance, who turned my whole world around (not to be cliche, but there it is) and filled in my other half.
So now that I've found love, what's to become of me? I'm trying to break into the world of private voice lessons - something I never thought I'd do, and have grown to deeply enjoy - but I seem to be constantly shut out of it. As soon as I get a new student, I lose an old one. Teenagers aren't the most reliable. They tend to spread themselves quite thin over different areas of study until they find something they like/enjoy/are good at. I never really did this. For me, it was always music, and any aspect of music I adored. It seems my students don't share this passion, or at least not completely. Poor things. Music is so fulfilling.
I guess on this overcast Thursday, as I lost yet another promising voice student to sports commitments, I am simply dreary. Slumpy. (I realize it's not a word, but you understood exactly what I meant when I used it, didn't you?) And wondering what to do with my life. With a birthday around the corner, I suppose it's natural. Almost everyone I've talked to about this point in life has said the same thing: it's all a transition.
Well, Sir Transition, you've got the better of me today. Tomorrow, I'll chalk all of this up to a large dose of Bronte. Perhaps too much.
much love, B
For such a long time, all I wanted was to fall in love for real. To have my feelings returned. It seemed my lot in life to suffer the curse of the one-sided crush. Then I found my amazing fiance, who turned my whole world around (not to be cliche, but there it is) and filled in my other half.
So now that I've found love, what's to become of me? I'm trying to break into the world of private voice lessons - something I never thought I'd do, and have grown to deeply enjoy - but I seem to be constantly shut out of it. As soon as I get a new student, I lose an old one. Teenagers aren't the most reliable. They tend to spread themselves quite thin over different areas of study until they find something they like/enjoy/are good at. I never really did this. For me, it was always music, and any aspect of music I adored. It seems my students don't share this passion, or at least not completely. Poor things. Music is so fulfilling.
I guess on this overcast Thursday, as I lost yet another promising voice student to sports commitments, I am simply dreary. Slumpy. (I realize it's not a word, but you understood exactly what I meant when I used it, didn't you?) And wondering what to do with my life. With a birthday around the corner, I suppose it's natural. Almost everyone I've talked to about this point in life has said the same thing: it's all a transition.
Well, Sir Transition, you've got the better of me today. Tomorrow, I'll chalk all of this up to a large dose of Bronte. Perhaps too much.
much love, B
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Secretly Single
There is an episode of "Sex and the City" where Carrie realizes she's not ready to live with someone. She enjoys her downtime and eating crackers standing up in the kitchen while thumbing through magazines. When she shares this with her best friends, she realizes that she is not alone. Miranda likes to put lotion on her hands and wear gloves to lock it in, and Samantha likes to... well, those who watch know what Samantha likes to do in her alone time. But, long story short (too late!) they dub these sometimes embarrassing habits "Secret Single Behavior".
I HATE FEET. I hate people's feet on me, I don't like my own feet, and I definitely do NOT like people touching my feet. I thought this would be a horrible trait in a relationship, but surprisingly, I have allowed my fiance into the inner sanctum: I actually let him give me foot rubs. I never would have thought this would be okay with me. EVER. But, love has it's perks.
However.
I realized that I still have some boundaries that are not going to stick once I get married. It's still a little frightening to think of sharing my entire life with someone. There's no more, "Oh, I'm so glad he's not here to see me like this!" Knowing we both need some down-time after our workdays is good, but what about the times when I need more than he does? Or a whole night to myself? Sometimes it all seems impossible, and then I remember that this is not a stranger I'll be living with, it's someone I deeply love. Does that make it easier? I don't know, but I think it'll take the edge off.
So, when my husband decides to take my socks off and rub my feet, will it bring me to tears the way it did a few weeks ago when my fiance sprang that move on me? Seriously, I was crying, so embarrassed and completely without reason other than the one I gave my fiance: winter feet. -shakes head- I guess my Secret Single Behavior was keeping my socks on in the winter so I don't have to paint my toenails. Sounds so silly, right? But it totally threw me, not being in control of that one thing that made me either comfortable or uncomfortable. Welcome to the rest of my life?
I hope I handle the rest of my life and all of those uncovered Secret Single Behavior moments with a little more finesse. I also hope that with HUNDREDS of wives who have gone before me, I'm not alone.
lots of love, B
I HATE FEET. I hate people's feet on me, I don't like my own feet, and I definitely do NOT like people touching my feet. I thought this would be a horrible trait in a relationship, but surprisingly, I have allowed my fiance into the inner sanctum: I actually let him give me foot rubs. I never would have thought this would be okay with me. EVER. But, love has it's perks.
However.
I realized that I still have some boundaries that are not going to stick once I get married. It's still a little frightening to think of sharing my entire life with someone. There's no more, "Oh, I'm so glad he's not here to see me like this!" Knowing we both need some down-time after our workdays is good, but what about the times when I need more than he does? Or a whole night to myself? Sometimes it all seems impossible, and then I remember that this is not a stranger I'll be living with, it's someone I deeply love. Does that make it easier? I don't know, but I think it'll take the edge off.
So, when my husband decides to take my socks off and rub my feet, will it bring me to tears the way it did a few weeks ago when my fiance sprang that move on me? Seriously, I was crying, so embarrassed and completely without reason other than the one I gave my fiance: winter feet. -shakes head- I guess my Secret Single Behavior was keeping my socks on in the winter so I don't have to paint my toenails. Sounds so silly, right? But it totally threw me, not being in control of that one thing that made me either comfortable or uncomfortable. Welcome to the rest of my life?
I hope I handle the rest of my life and all of those uncovered Secret Single Behavior moments with a little more finesse. I also hope that with HUNDREDS of wives who have gone before me, I'm not alone.
lots of love, B
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