There is an episode of "Sex and the City" where Carrie realizes she's not ready to live with someone. She enjoys her downtime and eating crackers standing up in the kitchen while thumbing through magazines. When she shares this with her best friends, she realizes that she is not alone. Miranda likes to put lotion on her hands and wear gloves to lock it in, and Samantha likes to... well, those who watch know what Samantha likes to do in her alone time. But, long story short (too late!) they dub these sometimes embarrassing habits "Secret Single Behavior".
I HATE FEET. I hate people's feet on me, I don't like my own feet, and I definitely do NOT like people touching my feet. I thought this would be a horrible trait in a relationship, but surprisingly, I have allowed my fiance into the inner sanctum: I actually let him give me foot rubs. I never would have thought this would be okay with me. EVER. But, love has it's perks.
However.
I realized that I still have some boundaries that are not going to stick once I get married. It's still a little frightening to think of sharing my entire life with someone. There's no more, "Oh, I'm so glad he's not here to see me like this!" Knowing we both need some down-time after our workdays is good, but what about the times when I need more than he does? Or a whole night to myself? Sometimes it all seems impossible, and then I remember that this is not a stranger I'll be living with, it's someone I deeply love. Does that make it easier? I don't know, but I think it'll take the edge off.
So, when my husband decides to take my socks off and rub my feet, will it bring me to tears the way it did a few weeks ago when my fiance sprang that move on me? Seriously, I was crying, so embarrassed and completely without reason other than the one I gave my fiance: winter feet. -shakes head- I guess my Secret Single Behavior was keeping my socks on in the winter so I don't have to paint my toenails. Sounds so silly, right? But it totally threw me, not being in control of that one thing that made me either comfortable or uncomfortable. Welcome to the rest of my life?
I hope I handle the rest of my life and all of those uncovered Secret Single Behavior moments with a little more finesse. I also hope that with HUNDREDS of wives who have gone before me, I'm not alone.
lots of love, B
I'm catching up because I've missed a lot of blogging! I had to comment on this one:
ReplyDelete1. Secret Single Behaviour is nothing to be ashamed of, and while you will definitely be stretched within your marriage to accept things that were previously (seemingly) impossible to accept, you will also finally realize the abundant joys that are to be found by sharing your life with the one you love most. And you will be amazed at what you can "put up with" when it's for someone who loves YOU most. :) Suddently it doesn't seem like "putting up with" as much as learning to love the singularly quirky traits of your husband.
2. When you need space, by ALL MEANS, find some space! Sharing your life with someone doesn't mean you HAVE to share EVERY MOMENT. You'll enjoy the moments together more if you have your chance to decompress and mellow out when you're stressed or overwhelmed. Sometimes it's as simple as reading a chapter of a book or watching 20 minutes of a cozy movie whilst sipping a cup of tea, but those 20 minutes can mean peace in your home some days. Your hubby will understand. Don't think you have to let those alone times go! :)
3. And finally... You are a smart lady, and the fact that you are already mulling over these things is a great indication that you are fighting for your marriage before it has even truly begun! Trust in God, He will guide you when you're not sure what to do, and remember that you are a new family, a new team, and as long as you are in it together, you WILL figure out a way through. :) I love you so much!! Sorry this is so long...