If you were a person, you would be just about the only person for whom I would willingly go to jail for murder. My new car sits just beyond the grasp of your minion, Huge Pine Tree, who has rained down your icky-ness upon its pristine exterior. I, unknowing of your abrupt appearance, had kept my windows down, and lo! the icky-ness has crept to the inside of my new car as well! I have been meaning to speak to you about your rude visiting at the same time every year. You know I am never prepared for your baggage. I cannot even use the excuse of illness, as you happen to bring that with you upon my innocent sinuses. Were you kinder to me and my house, I might have invited you lovingly in. However, you continue to misbehave and be a general nuisance. Since nothing else has worked thus far, I can only vent you this frustrated missive. As it has done no good in the past on your character, I can expect no less this year. Know only this: IF you were a person... I would sincerely and heartily kill you. My condolences, Bianca.
p.s. no hard feelings.