Spring, sisters, and more important matters

Birthday gifts for Mama went wonderfully! I knitted her some new dishcloths in dark colors and patterns all my own! They're holding up pretty well; I need to tweak the patterns though, as this was a first attempt for both styles. She told me she is EVER willing to be my creative guinea pig, but of course she would. It means a constant stream of knittery! =) Have moved on to next birthday girl, my sister Ginan. Am going to see her this weekend which makes me VERY happy and excited! Coziness abounds wherever Ginan is. I am dearly hoping to see my other sister in that area, Ro, as well! I have missed them both a lot!

It is amazing how the simple act of opening ones window when the weather is simply gorgeous affects ones soul. I am absolutely adoring the early spring we're getting here. I have also very much enjoyed the effect of the gloriously beautiful music Ginan made me for my birthday on these lovely days!

I have been contemplating my tongue. In the car, I am hasty to cast judgment on any other car that makes the slightest mistake, especially when it comes close to my car! On the flip side, I often feel hesitant in groups to share my views when something is genuinely important. Especially if I feel very strongly on the subject. Lately, I have been taken for a ride in both these areas, as I wrecked my car and am increasingly sympathetic to the driver making the drastic-but-necessary move on the road. I am also involved in an "engaged couples" class that has turned out to be pretty much pre-pre-marital counseling. Touchy subjects abound and I am learning not only where the land-mines are in my husband-to-be, but especially in myself.

I was in a situation recently where I was with a dear friend, having a conversation with people I did not know as well. A subject came up that I knew I disagreed with, but what to say? I hate to seem that person who just can't wait to share their opinion, no matter how wrong or insensitive. So, of course, I remained quiet. To me, it was better than the alternative of, "I know I disagree, I'm just not sure how to put it. -dramatic pause- No, I just can't think of how to say this... sorry...?" What a lame end to something that didn't need to be said in the first place. Silence sometimes seems snobby (or at least I feel that that's how people view ME when I'm silent on something) but honestly, it's much better than saying something that you could achieve with the action of staying quiet. And I'm thankful, because it's only today that I realized what I COULD have said that would have been better than silence. It COULD have gone seriously wrong, though, and hindsight is always 20/20; plus, that sentence contains too many "could"s.

So, in all, I'm glad I held my tongue in this situation. But mostly, I pray that I am granted the right words to say when confronted again. I often pray for the right words these days. I hope everyone can get out and enjoy this beautiful weather while it lasts!

lots of love, B

Too fast, too slow...

Who was it who first noticed that when one area of your life seems to be going excellent well, the rest promptly falls apart? I think we can all identify with this cycle of life. Me? I'm smack in the middle of it.

For such a long time, all I wanted was to fall in love for real. To have my feelings returned. It seemed my lot in life to suffer the curse of the one-sided crush. Then I found my amazing fiance, who turned my whole world around (not to be cliche, but there it is) and filled in my other half.

So now that I've found love, what's to become of me? I'm trying to break into the world of private voice lessons - something I never thought I'd do, and have grown to deeply enjoy - but I seem to be constantly shut out of it. As soon as I get a new student, I lose an old one. Teenagers aren't the most reliable. They tend to spread themselves quite thin over different areas of study until they find something they like/enjoy/are good at. I never really did this. For me, it was always music, and any aspect of music I adored. It seems my students don't share this passion, or at least not completely. Poor things. Music is so fulfilling.

I guess on this overcast Thursday, as I lost yet another promising voice student to sports commitments, I am simply dreary. Slumpy. (I realize it's not a word, but you understood exactly what I meant when I used it, didn't you?) And wondering what to do with my life. With a birthday around the corner, I suppose it's natural. Almost everyone I've talked to about this point in life has said the same thing: it's all a transition.

Well, Sir Transition, you've got the better of me today. Tomorrow, I'll chalk all of this up to a large dose of Bronte. Perhaps too much.

much love, B